Leadership is Transformational, Not Conformational
12 August 2025
Leadership is Transformational, Not Conformational
Yesterday during a coaching session, I became aware that the manager I was coaching, was frustrated with one of his team members attitude, behaviour and mindset. The team member was in fact very disruptive and destructive to the working environment
As we unpacked this frustration, the real issue surfaced: This manager didn’t want to manage from within an understanding of this person — he just wanted him to be "more like me", he eventually volunteered.
That’s when the lights went on for me! He was leading like Professor Higgins in My Fair Lady. (Why can't a woman be more like a man?)
“If I can just correct them, polish them, and train them properly… they’ll become more like me.”
But leadership doesn’t work that way.
It’s not about reshaping people into your image.
It’s about understanding who they really are — personality, trauma, culture, history — and then developing strategies to manage the impact of their weaknesses, to draw out the value that’s buried inside.
So here’s what I told him — and maybe it’s worth passing on:
If someone’s frustrating you, ask yourself:
1) What factors are shaping this behaviour (past and present)?
2) In looking for an answer or solution, am I trying to lead them… or recreate them?
The reality is that leadership isn’t control.
It’s also not cloning.
But it is influence born from understanding, not frustration.
Your job isn’t to create replicas of yourself.
It’s to lead real people — and to help them rise without first needing to become you.
Because leadership isn’t about asking,
“Why can’t they be more like me?”
It’s about learning to ask,
“How can I be more the leader they need right now?”
That’s where trust begins.
That’s where performance follows.
Written by Mark Deavall
If you would like to talk to me, please call me on +2782 465 5481 or email me on markd@markdeavall.com
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