Conflict! It's not about winning
April 2025
Conflict! It's not about winning
Conflict is a natural part of human interaction—it happens in families, workplaces, and friendships. But here’s the thing: it’s not about who comes out on top or proving you’re right. That kind of mindset can turn even small disagreements into big battles, leaving relationships and trust in the dust.
When I joined the debating society at school years ago, our coach taught us a valuable lesson: A debate is not about winning; it’s about understanding your opponent's position and accepting their reasons for holding it. Only through this understanding can true resolution be reached.
When you stop seeing conflict as something to win, it becomes something else entirely: an opportunity to understand, to connect, and to grow. Think about it. If you’re focused on “winning,” your energy goes into defending your position and tearing down theirs. But if you’re focused on "understanding to resolve", you shift into listening, asking questions, and trying to see the other person’s perspective.
And let’s be honest, when two people are locked in a “win-lose” mindset, nobody really wins. Even if you “win” the argument, you might lose the relationship or create resentment. But when you approach conflict with a mindset of working together in seeking a solution that respects both sides—you’re building something better: trust, respect, and a path forward.
So, next time conflict comes knocking, pause for a second. Ask yourself, “What’s my goal here? Do I want to win, or do I want us to win together?” That little shift in thinking can make all the difference.
Written by Mark Deavall
If you would like to talk to me, please call me on +2782 465 5481 or email me on markd@markdeavall.com
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